Is It Time to Look at Your Boundaries?

Boundaries are one of those topics that tend to show up in Coaching in indirect ways.

People don’t usually arrive saying,    

“I need to work on my boundaries.”

They arrive saying things like:

“I need to look at my time management.”

“I’m having difficulty with my line manager.”

“I feel like I just have too much on right now.”

“I don’t feel able to be there for myself or my family in the way I want to be.”

Sometimes there’s frustration.

Sometimes guilt.

Often there’s both.

At their simplest, boundaries are the limits we hold around our time, energy, and responsibility. They shape what we’re available for, what we’re not, and how we try to look after ourselves alongside the needs and expectations of other people.

When boundaries are under pressure, people often notice feeling drained, resentful, or constantly “on”. These experiences can be hard to reconcile and may be accompanied by a quiet sense that we’re not meeting expectations, and/or letting ourselves or others down.

Often, Coaching can help us look at these situations more compassionately. By stepping back a little, we can begin to see what is actually being experienced and recognise it for what it often is

– an invitation to notice that something important needs attention.

Very often, what sits underneath is not a lack of care or effort. In fact, it’s often the opposite.

Difficulties with boundaries tend to involve people who care deeply, who feel a strong sense of responsibility, and who want to do a good job, be reliable, and be there for others.

Over time, many of us develop familiar patterns of thinking and behaviour around this.

Patterns of stepping in,  saying yes and carrying more than our share.

Not because we consciously decide not to pay attention to our boundaries, but because these patterns have developed over time, and they have probably helped us find a sense of place, purpose, or belonging. They may have supported us in connecting with others, contributing in meaningful ways, and being seen as capable, helpful, or dependable. They may also have fulfilled a sense of duty or responsibility (even if that responsibility was sometimes misplaced).

For example, someone early in their career may have learned that turning up, saying yes to opportunities, and being highly visible really mattered. It helped them learn quickly, build relationships, and show what they were capable of.

Years later, they may now be skilled, experienced, and well-regarded. And yet, they may still feel an internal pull to say yes in the same way, to be constantly available, and to go the extra mile.

The difference now, though, is that what may once have felt like an active choice can start to feel like an expectation. They may notice they no longer feel able to pull back, even when the cost to their time, energy, or well-being is high.

This might be where boundary tension begins to show up.

Not because working hard is wrong.

But because the limits around time, energy, and responsibility have quietly shifted without being consciously revisited.

Setting or adjusting boundaries is not about becoming hard, rigid, or uncaring. It’s about being honest with ourselves about what is realistic, sustainable, and aligned with how we want to live, and being prepared to uphold our own needs amongst everything else we hold.

As we grow older, gain experience, and see the world with a new perspective, some of our learned patterns of thinking and behaving may not be serving us as well as they once did. It may be time to review them and ask ourselves:

What assumptions am I making?

What feels true now?

What is needed now?

So, if you’re feeling stretched, resentful, or worn down, it might be worth gently asking: Are my current boundaries still working for me?

Not as a judgement.

Not as something to fix.

Simply as an invitation to notice.

Coming next

If you fancy a deeper dive and would like to reflect on your boundaries in a little more depth, look out for our related blog post: Exploring Your Boundaries: A Reflective Lens